12 posts from December 2007

It's a new year and a perfect opportunity to make things right.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

You're either inspirational or just a carbon copy. There's nothing as stupid as fighting over religion. Taste is personal and it's OK to be different. There's nothing cool about playing with feelings. You'll learn more if you look at life with an open mind. You shouldn't give to expect something in return. We all make mistakes. Imagination is more important than knowledge. A dream remains a dream if you never do anything with it.

In my eyes, raining all around are words and they make sense out of thoughts. They translate the polaroids and pulse rates. The scent, the notes, the touch, the amount of lightfall. Just as equations I absolutely don't understand but somewhere, someone looks at numbers and see stars, colors, freedom…

 I need kisses and embraces, sometimes more than food, they feed me better... Mostly from certain people I've assigned as suppliers but the truth is, I never get enough. I don't think anyone could.

 I don't drive, I walk and frolic.

Mysteries are highly overrated. I mean, what with these games? When you were a child when you first meet someone, you want to know everything about that person, all at once if you can. And you want them to know everything about you because, if not for anything it feels wonderful. Yet here rest facades, foul mouthed impressions, timing, replications of what's suggested to be desirable or cool-

Leave the flirt, the tease and the coward to the worthy fool. I'll pass. Still, I am not young enough to be so wise. And they say no one is perfect. But everyone is, always been and always will be. In every sameness and dissimilarity...

What are we so afraid of? What is it that we find so revolting in ourselves that we can't forgive or let go? When you are so... faultless.

 
A power surges within you, greater than all you can see, mover of space, designer of known histories, maker of worlds-

Loving you down to every cell, hugging from the inside out… ceaselessly, adoringly, calling you forth.

It waits to be trusted, beyond the glories of the human mind, and if there be an impossibility it is that this power be accurately quantified for it adds unto itself lightyears in every blink.

Here, now is what I chose to be and I am free...

I am free.

It's funny how my anger goes away so fast but the things I would love to forget or at least set a side stays like a leech thirsty for a fresh human blood.

 I want to be the kind stranger that I've always wanted to run into. 

At one point in my life I was filled with gibe comments full of the purest form of derision towards my peers, funny (I thought) anecdotes borne of cynicism, and sorrow and confusion

Now as I've gotten older, I feel as if  I'm becoming less and less cynical, less and less angsty... Which is strange, because I always thought things would be the other way around... That as life went on I would become increasingly cynical as I discovered more and more the rotten ways of the world.

Luckily, that hasn't been the case.  I shudder to think what my mindset would be like now had I taken that path.  Definitely not as happy and content with myself and the world around me as I am now.

 "Connection" is what you so often hear people say when they describe the formation of relationships- be that relationship romantic, friendly, professional or any other that requires harmony. No man is an island, goes a quote and I agree that our interdependence with each other is what sustains our life. Just as everything and everyone in the cosmos share a silent bond- we live because we love.

 The ironic thing is, Connection is really just another word for communication, a successful one at that. It is in the free sharing of the little details- from how one's day is going, coffee jokes to deeper subjects like aspirations and beliefs that people really connect [or "hook up" if you'd like to call it that]. For in the sharing, we find common grounds. Our similarities bind us in an uplifting way. It is amazing how, when you establish a steady level of correspondence with someone, you let your guard down. You feel safe and at ease and it is that feeling of security, of peace that becomes the source of other feelings. Joy. Attraction. Even more amazing is how we all seem to be guarded in the first place. We have built walls around ourselves and it's not that big of a wonder why, when you observe how we've been conditioned to cower in fear of inadequacy. But that's an entirely different topic.

 I find it curious that we'd so readily and more willingly be physically naked for someone if that someone mattered enough to us and it appears as though being emotionally naked is far harder an act- especially for [not all] men. At the end of the day, the people who are most significant are the ones we are most free with. The ones who understand, accept, enjoy, know or even just listen to the "script" of our own lives that we write on a daily basis. And whoever those people are, wherever they are, they become…special. If not to the world, to you because you "connected", and you know you're never gonna be the same again.

I am simply sending my thoughts out to empty space- the ever expanding, omnipresent void.

Goodnight, sweet void

.

ahhh life at 23... A lot has happenned this year, some good and some bad, but overall a good year! I've experienced a lot of new things and I've grown and learned a lot about myself and life in general. Quite a few people have come in and out of my life but each of these people have touched me in some way and have either taught or introduced me to something new whether it be music, a place, ideas, or something philosophical. I feel that out of all my years, 2006-2007 was the ones where I experienced the most growth. I'm thankful for those of you who have been a part of it and I hope one day to share my experience and my new ideas with all of you.

Time to reflect...
I still can't believe that he thinks I lied to him, I tried explaining but once someone has decided what he/she want to believe in be it right or wrong you can never make them change their mnd, so why bother explaining some more? How Do you know I was lying when you weren't even there to begin with? You know what they say " Ask and you shall recieve"  but did you ever asked NO. Regrets? I am after all human, I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason although there is still one thing I have yet to find meaning in... and until then, it remains a regret... I just wish I had been more careful but I guess you live and you learn..

I have changed a lot. Yes, I'm a much more positive person and more self-aware. I think I've learned to truly love myself and be more comfortable in my own skin. The most significant thing I've learned is that I've discovered who I want to be and what I truly want out of life. I've learned that everything happens for a reason but I must continue to look for meaning if I want to make the most of it and grow from it.

The High Point of the year is becoming more self-aware and finding happiness. And of course there's the Low point of the year; Allowing certain "evil spirits" to invade my life... sacrificing so much of myself to someone who was completely unworthy. Learning to see the good and beauty in everything... not just in my "breakdowns" but in people, in my surroundings, in my experiences, in all things. All things can have a positive outcome if you make the attempt to find it. This is what helps you to learn and grow and helps you find the person you are and discover the person you want to be. It's about finding the positive things in life... "let go"... "there's beauty in the breakdown".

 .My resolution next year is to remain positive and concentrate on my future and my dreams. Be more proactive and take steps to lead myself to where I want to be. (AKA moving out, handling my business, saving more money, becoming more independent, etc.) It's time! I'm ready for school and I finally decided to do something about my vision problem as well, I am scared but I am going to do it. I want to be able to do more. I know I am capable of doing so much more, more brilliant things are waiting for me out there. And since my vision is the main thing that's holding me back, I am willing to make a move to change that.

and also meet people and really get to know them on a deeper level. Fight temptation.

I'm adopting a no commitment = no sex policy. For the new year.

Why? because I would like to experience something real and beautiful this time.