Kashii’s blog

Sometimes even my closest friends and family don't understand how deeply my feelings run. Although I don't necessarily express my needs in emotionally charged language, my heart can be as vulnerable as anyone else's

...The beauty of yesterday with you.

This could be nothing but I am willing to give it a try...

                                  w00t!

            HAPPIEST Wednesday thus Far...

                                                                       And I can't wait for tomorrow!

I know you ain't got no clue is to what I am referring to, as it should be. FOR NOW. Sooner or later I am going to end up writing about it anyway.

Sleep Deprivation; I am hoping not to be diagnosed anytime soon. But I don't get that much needed sleep either. Sadly, insufficient rest is making me rather irritable and I have been eating a lot than usual. Those who know me are very much aware how I love food and my habit of eating. Lately it has gotten worse and quite frankly, it is scaring the shit out of me. Why? Oh, have I got so many things to say is to why I am terrified. I am already vision impaired, I don't need any more form of physical or mental impairments add to all my concerns. Inadequate rest impairs our ability to think, to handle stress, to maintain a healthy immune system and to moderate our emotions. Each and everyone of us knows the fact that, sleep is so important to our overall health that total sleep deprivation has been proven to be fatal. I don't exactly like the idea of my brain's ability to function quickly deteriorates, operates less effectively, concentration levels drop or my memory to become impaired. (hell no!) You see, many things in my life have had happened that I would really love to remember someday, and I want to be able to reminisce and time and time again savor that certain bliss I have felt. Honestly, knowing too damn much information about what's worrying me is scary enough

In other note, I decided to cook lunch for all of us today. I chose Sinigang; it is a Philippine dish, typically sour and often incorporates stewed fish, pork, chicken, shrimp, or beef. It's characteristic taste is attributed to the ingredient that gives its sour taste, not to the meat's flavor.  In short, it's good and it is one of my favorites. So, I picked pork as my main ingredients since I have been eating too much fish lately (mmm, sushi! hahaa!) anyway, when you cook sinigang, do you intend to serve it as a soup or as a main dish? you ask. The answer to that question will determine your choices as to the cut of meat you can use.If you intend to serve the sinigang as a soup (meaning you have another dish for the main course), then, the important thing is to have the best quality broth you can make. That means bones — lots of bones. If, however, you intend to serve the sinigang as the main dish, you need meatier cuts of pork. Otherwise, you’ll be practically serving rice with broth and vegetables and very little meat. So I was so excited and I brought it to a boil for 10 minutes and I couldn't wait for it to simmer. And when it did and as I was ready to put the rest of the ingredients I noticed something unusual. The porks where floating! Now based to what my mom told me and what I learned back in Elementary (6th grade in P.I) other than spoilled egg only horses and cat's meat float when boiled. Then I started freaking out! I called my mom from work, wake my dad up who has been sleeping for only 20 minutes, tired from work, called my tia Gia and asked them the same question; WHERE DID YOU GET THE MEAT?! Luckily, my mom was on break, Tita Gia was on the train on her way to Sacramento, and dad, well, was alarmed, "what? what? what's going on?!" lol! They gave me the same answer though, they bought it from Sacramento Natural Food Co-op. The company is known for selling foods and products free from synthetic additives or processing. They promised consumers that they will not knowingly sell products containing artificial preservatives, hydrogenated oils, trans fats, artificial flavorings and coloring, antibiotics, and hormones. Pork meat or horse's meat? I guess we'll never going to find out since I don't really feel like calling them and file a complaint over meat on a nice Sunday afternoon. Let's say the meat was indeed a horse, that would've been nauseatingly disgusting! Rotten pork won't float but it sure will produced bad smell, a stench that will corrupt your brain hahaa!

I ended up cooking tinola instead!

bondage and freedom
opening eyes to truth
shattering the image that has blinded so many
bound to an idea
bound to tradition
bound to past mistakes
bound to the pursuit
of that which will kill you
buildings beautiful on the outside
empty on the inside
no longer will stand
stop being blindly led to be slaughtered
Will you continue to be a pawn
used by others as they see fit?
Dare to see the world as it really is...

            Too lovely Sunday afternoon, though I barely go to church anymore, still, this remains to be one of my favorite places; especially in between masses, when fewer people are around. I feel at peace.

God lives within me. I know I don't need any mediator- be it this house of worship, a priest, a particular ritual or anything external to bring me to that which already lives in my heart, there's such a thing as direct access but, if this works for others then let them be. Whatever helps them connect.

 I think this place is effective mainly because despite differences, people come here with the same spirit; as an act of faith into something or someone that's invisible... inexplicable yet real and powerful. Regardless if it's out of tradition or not, one person believing that, can already work magic, all the more whenever two or more are gathered in my name.

It's nice outside today and the sky is so blue. I walk closer to that mesmerizing corner where you light candles and one by one, I made them glow. It is not the color, not the form nor the length of the candle that entices, not even the scent for that can't provide either light or warmth, but the flame- the same beautiful flame that's carried by them.

I stood there for a while. It makes me smile to think that each of us is a candle. That may sound odd. Well, I'm still smiling anyway.

The problem with most people is that they don't even know who they are. They try to fill other men's shoes. Spending all their life trying to be someone else. They pursue images and fantasies. They are always told what to do, how to dress, where to go, what to say and even how to think. Brainwashed. Preprogrammed to react. To salivate at the sound of a bell. Never do they stop to think is this real? Is what I'm trying to get as good as everyone tells me? What is it that I really want? Should I try and go against the current? Does any one ask those questions? No, they just race as quickly as they can, being driven by the current down stream only to find the waterfall and the jagged rocks beneath that have claimed so many. And have still so many left to claim.